Empty World "Chapter 3: Emptiness"

I was wrong. Turning to the mirror revealed a dark spot going full circle around my neck. This time my mind was in pieces. I ran away faster and further than I ever had. I ended up about 4 miles away from the jewelry store. There I found an old motel that was $20 a night. I had $30 left and I would’ve slept outside instead if it hadn’t been for these illusions. The first thing I did was dive straight under the covers and refused to peek out until dawn. Suddenly I woke up, but I was in a white bed with white covers and white pillows. The entire room was blank just like the one I saw when I passed out in the alleyway. Once again, the menacing door with the upside down cross scared me. The mirror was in the corner like before but this time cracked. The door creaked open and from the little crack I could see darkness, nothing but pure calming darkness. Then I woke up. In the morning, I used the bathroom outside in fear of seeing my reflection in the motels bathroom mirror. 

Empty World "Chapter 2: Darkening"

I was concerned. The sun is out and it’s only 3pm…so why do I not have a shadow? I thought maybe if I walked a bit further past the store maybe it would re-appear or maybe I’m seeing things again, but it was no use. I walked for almost a full mile down to the grassy plains where once again, I could not see my shadow. I saw a farmer working the fields in the distance so I ran up to him and asked “Do you see my shadow?”. He continued his work without answering my question. After repeating myself almost ten times he finally said “Sorry, I didn’t notice you there. Your shadow? Yeah, I see it, why? Something bothering you?” Once again, I was in relief, but why can’t I see my own shadow I wondered. Walking slowly back into town, relieved but confused, there was a jewelry store with a mirror outside, once again I turned towards it, but this time with confidence that I was just seeing things.

Empty World "Chapter 1: Consuming"

       I was running. Back to my home? No. I was now without one. I guess you could call me a failure; a disappointment. I ran away from home at the age of 14 and have been hoping around from homeless shelter to homeless shelter ever since. I was once in an orphanage, there I met my first “friend” Fuko. It’s funny her name meant “unhappiness” in Japanese because that’s what she alluded to in the end, but not her unhappiness, mine. Although she didn’t talk much, I considered her a friend and would often steal food from the local farmers’ market for me and her when the orphanage was having a financial crisis, but when she figured out I was stealing instead of earning money and paying for it, she ratted me out. That was when I was 16, now I’m 18, running away from what may have just been a dream. I made it to the nearby clothing store in which I went inside and sat down in a changing room, here I believed I was safe until I took a look into the wide mirror. There I saw myself, once again, without eyes, but this time my mouth was stitched together and my hair was completely white. I was so concerned and frantic that I ran outside to the cashier and asked them what color was my hair and if I looked okay, the cashier replied “Your hair is brownish and uhm…you look like you need to rest”. In a brief moment of relief, I stood there praying that this was all an illusion, an imagination due to that unsettling dream. The rain had cleared away and the sun was out so I walked outside, but then I noticed…I had no shadow.

Empty World "Prologue"

It was raining. The freezing temperature was obvious by the sight of my breathe when I exhaled. Although it had just started raining I was already soaked. I was alone, caught by the freezing rain and driven into a nearby alleyway for shelter. The buildings were packed closely together and due to the roofing, I could stay there without the rain catching me. It was there that I fainted and awoke in a land unknown. It was a white colorless room about the size of classroom.  There was one door with an upside down cross on it painted red. There was also furniture that I failed to notice due to it all being pale. There was a mirror in the far corner of the room. It was at that mirror that, for the first time, I had felt so scared. I gleamed into the clean mirror and saw myself, without eyes, the sockets where my eyes had been replaced with a black mass. It looked like a kindergarten kid didn’t know how to draw eyes so they drew black circles instead. Then with a loud bang the door with the upside cross has slung open and from it a shadow and then I woke up. I was back, back in that same alleyway I had been in. Looking around hastily I got up and ran in fear that the dream was a warning; a foreshadowing of a disillusioned future. 

Unspoken Words - Sonnet

If I end up dying
I don't care anymore
It's better than crying
And leaving my heart sore
Better than painting my arms
Dyeing them dark red
Awaiting deaths alluring charms
Just waiting for me to end up dead
Slowly draining away my life
Every little last drop
Falling down from this dull knife
Every little "drip" makes my head pop
But that's okay, I'm already broken
Broken due to words unspoken

障害

まったく私のせいではありませんでした。
でも、あなたはそれを私に責めた。
それは私のせいですか？
わかないよ
でも、痛いよ。本当に痛いよ。。。
時間を増やしてください。
愛してる
さよなら

"Bye"

Tired of life, ready to start a new, but when will that "new" come? I'm bored, bored of everything. Nothing to really do. Young, no car, no close friends, nowhere to go. Stressed out over what others consider "small" but what I consider big. Major issues with my mental state as a human and what I want to do with my life. I guess I've never really known have I? Probably not. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Just lost...bored, nothing to do. Everything somehow finds its way into this blog. Whether its my sadness, depression, my anger or my love. It's sad...it really is. Bye.

"Death of a Coward"

It doesn't take much to end a life
Just the sharp blade of a knife
Right in the center of his throat
There will be no antidote
Just sweet death for him
After all his future is grim

"No Reason"

Death is but a beautiful bliss 
Followed by falling into a dark abyss
Blood dripping from side to side
Knowing deep down that I tried
There was no reason to continue my struggle
My life was but a ball to juggle
All the lies and hate
With no reason to learn or create
It ended as quickly as it started
"Goodbye" as I departed

Communication

I just need some communication
A way to say everything's okay
A method to prove our relationship
To say "We're okay"
To show that there's no problems
To solve those that arise
But there is no communication
That is why I am sad
I hide behind that "I'm okay"
I try to communicate my feelings
I understand the importance of communication
Not everyone does though
That is why I am sad

....

I feel like giving up

Dreams

Dreams. Some say they're our brain playing different situations for different scenarios showing possible outcomes, some say it's our brains giving us subliminal messages, and some say our dreams show us a peak at the future/future events.

I had a dream recently, a time travel dream that was all to real. I was running from something, got onto a Dragon *yes weird start I know* and he took me above a salty ocean near some shore, then dropped me into the ocean. I swam with dizziness affecting me heavily and made it to shore, then I passed out.

I woke up at the local Kroger, outside in the rain, I was just standing there with my school book bag on my back. I walked around and found homeless people by the side of the road and went down there to talk to them. Apparently someone had donated them money because one had a Kroger bag filled with snacks. They were happy, they offered me one of the snacks and of course I refused. I wasn't necessary hungry for food; more hungry for answers. I asked them what year it is and one of them thought I was insane, but he handed me a newspaper and it said "2008". Same with the Kroger receipt, 8.23.2008. Which, oddly enough 8/23 is my birthday. They asked more about why I had asked the year, and so I opened my book bag and pulled out my Geometry workbook which had the date "2015" printed on it, and all of my other books also had dates showing the future. They believed me surprisingly. So I spent the night with them and slept there, however in the morning I started walking to my Grandma's house. Even in this dream I acknowledged the fact of a paradox if I were to see myself and he were to see me. But I continued and saw an old friend of mine who I told this situation to...they believed me. We both walked towards my house and, since this was a dream, everything wasn't exactly where it should be, but I eventually made it around the corner from my house. Suddenly I half-woke up. I could feel my heart beat it real life beating faster and faster the closer I ran to my house and I kept my eyes closed trying to keep dreaming....

Then...I saw it...my grandma's house. I suddenly woke up in real life right after seeing it. I got up out of bed; it's 7:56PM. I walk into the living room while putting my shirt on, apparently my grandma was out on a walk. My parents live across the street and I just look out like "They're here". Since back in 2008 my Mom was dating a different person...so the dream just felt so real.

The moral of this dream could be three things in my opinion; Even in time travel reuniting will prove to be impossible or we don't know the dangers of a paradox and staying away is the best. Finally time travel shouldn't be pursued.

...

Can I give up?

I don't know

I just don't know. What do I always end up doing wrong? Apparently everything. Apparently everyone misinterprets everything I say.

20 Seconds

The encounter lasted a bit over 20 seconds

It was the end to one and a new beginning to the other

Although it ended for one

There will always be a new beginning after an end

The end seems so far away...but it's closer than most think

The older you get, the quicker time goes by

Or so it seems

One day you're a high school student, the next...

You have one foot in the grave

But, can one person change your perception of time?

In my mind...my encounter that fateful day changed it entirely