Thursday, August 20, 2015

"Conversation Starting Pt.2"

Conversations can be still, conversations can be tough. Some are easy and simple, "How was your day" and "What did you do earlier/yesterday?". For me it's an entirely different issue. I conversation on the moment. Coming up with new topics is something I can't do. I speak for the moment, whats currently going on. If there is nothing going on then I don't have anything to talk about. I sit on my computer all day playing games, watching YouTube, Twitch, Vessel, not really doing anything with my life. I'm up to date with world news and have an interest in Computer Engineering, but overall I don't do anything worth talking about. "What about the person you're talking too, surely they have something that will continue the conversation". Depends on the person. The one I want to impress and talk to the most is someone who is like me. She's similar in many ways, but she wants to talk about many things, but we don't know anything to talk about, and I think she dislikes me for that. One of her examples was "Imagine conversations as a blanket, I want to be wrapped up in the blanket, it doesn't matter if I'm warm or cold". I want to make her warm and entice her in an engaging conversation, however...I have nothing to talk about. Past, present, or future. Nothing. She slept all day almost so how can I ask "How was your day" or "What did you do today?". Me and her barely leave our rooms, and we probably wouldn't if it wasn't for food or school. But either way, how can someone start a conversation when they know nothing. "Share personal stories or things about your life". But what if I've already talked about me, my past, and what I want to become, and what if she also did the same? Then what? What am I supposed to be able to accomplish in a blank conversations. To sum it up, I think in the now, not last week, or next month, I can only talk about what's currently going on, and anything around me, daily conversations don't work, so what now?
What should I do? I don't even know. Hopefully something will change my boring self, maybe one day.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Problems

Should I just give up and give in? Thoughts race through my mind but to no avail...I have no answer. It's hard for me. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a social person? Should I just sit behind a monitor everyday and ignore life for what it is? Pretend nothing exists outside of this small space I call my "room"? Maybe things will change in the future, but for now I just have problems. A whole ton of problems due to my stupidity and not wanting to say or change things.